Another mom once asked me if I felt that I was short-changing my son by adopting our daughter. I wasn't really sure what she was asking, and I said so. She seemed to be getting at something along the lines of loving one more than the other, or treating them differently or something. I responded that, no - I love them both the same and that I'm sure Quinn felt as short-changed as any 5 year old with a little sister, no matter where she came from. (This same mom also said that she would consider adopting....maybe....someday....she wasn't "above adopting".....huh? what's that supposed to mean??? But that's for another post....)Anyway, after declaring that I love them both them same, I thought back to these same types of declarations my mom used to make. Way back when, I used to frequently pester my mom about which of us 4 kids she loved the most. I was alternately convinced it was my brother (the oldest and only boy), little sister #1 (based solely on her cuteness, smallness, and generally quiet disposition), or little sister #2 (youngest...they always get everything, right?!). Anyway, my mother consistently maintained that she loved us all the same. Impossible, I'd say. Surely there would have to be leanings one way or another. Nope, she'd say; all he same.
You know, I don't think my mom ever lied to me, but really, I thought she was just being a little bit nuts here. How could you not have a favorite? I was just glad she was so good at covering it up, because I was pretty sure the fav wasn't me. Just sparing my feelings, I thought.But now 30 years later I realize she was indeed telling the truth. You can, in fact, love them all the same. You love them all with the same fierce, pure, full-to-overflowing love. The love that makes you cry just looking at their angelic, sleeping faces. The love that makes your heart leap for joy when you get an unsolicited I Love You. The love that wants their lives to be happy, healthy, and lived to their fullest potential. The love for your kids that is purely parental.
And it has nothing to do with who brought them into this world, but who is helping them make their way in this world.
So, thanks mom, for that lesson. It may have taken me a while to really learn it. But I'll never forget.
2 comments:
That was beautiful. : )
It's funny how often we think parents don't love us equally and they have favorites.
This actually leads me to something else. Remember when we grew up thinking our parents were mean because they wouldn't allow us to do something or we thought they were just being foolish and had no clue???
Oh how wrong I was. I am so glad my parents decided to be my parents rather than my friend like many do today. It taught me to be a polite, respectful adult. Their teachings also instilled the truth that the world DOES NOT revolve around me. It's kind of funny how often I roll my eyes when I see parents giving in to their kids just so they don't have to deal anymore. A no was a no and if you pushed your luck you'd be grounded.
So you're right, mom really does know best and we are so thankful they do!
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