The First Time Ever I Saw Her Face

A year ago today, we met Keira. She was known as Yi Jiao (Jiaojiao) then. She was just a year old, 17 pounds, and barely crawling. She was very quiet when her nanny handed her to us. And she just stared at us and took it all in. She's really much the same way now when she meets strangers - she gives them a big stare and a very straight face. As one friend told us, "Gee - she really makes you work for one of her smiles, but when you get it...Wow!" And we couldn't agree more.

We worked and worked and worked. Loved, hugged, and bonded. Fed her, held her, and sang the Elmo theme song to her. In fact, once we learned that she liked that song, we began singing nearly everything to her, to the tune of Elmo's World. (Hey - we were desparate those first few days to win her affections, and as you know, ga-ga parents will do most anything!)

Looking back on our trip to China to adopt Keira and thinking about it all has made me a bit emotional today. I find myself thinking a lot about how she came into our family. I wonder about her life in the orphanage and about the 4 months with her foster family. I wonder about those mysterious days that make up the beginning of her life, her entry into the world. I wonder about her birth family. I wonder if her birthmother is thinking about her today, on her birthday. Does she wonder where she is and how she is doing?

When I look at Keira, I can't imagine that her birthmom isn't thinking of her. The girl before me is too beautiful and too absolutely fabulous to be forgotten by someone. I feel so overwhelmingly lucky that she is my daughter. I'm very sorry that someone had to lose her in order for us to gain. Keira makes our lives richer and although I am sad about someone else's loss, I am also grateful that same someone, two years ago, made such a very difficult choice.

I wish I could tell Keira's birthmom that she's OK. That she is more than OK really.

She is safe and healthy and loved.

She is smart and funny and playful.

She is in America! (I bet her birthmom didn't think about that.)

And she licks snow and ice cream and windows (blech!).

She eats macaroni and cheese, pizza, and yogurt. But not noodles anymore.

She laughs hysterically when you press her belly button and when her brother pretends to fall.
She wants to do everything herself.

There is so much to tell. So much that makes Keira the amazing little girl that she is.

I know that we will never be able to tell Keira's birthmom these things. I just hope somehow, in her heart, she knows them.