How Great Thou (Donuts) Art!

My mom gave me this piece of advice long ago, before my first ever holiday dinner party: Avoid these 3 things in conversation - religion, politics, ...and something else I forget now (it may have been s*x, but I can't imgaine her saying that to me at 16...but maybe). Anyway, avoid those topics, she said, and you should do just fine.
Well, I did follow her advice then, but I shall deviate now, just for a moment.....

The other day, a friend from church forwarded an e-mail with some funny quotes supposedly from Garrison Keillor, poking a little fun at Methodists. If you're a Methodist too, you might recognize yourself a little and get a bit of a chuckle. Here is some of what he had to say.....

We make fun of Methodists for their blandness, their excessive calm, their fear of giving offense, their lack of speed, and also for their secret fondness for macaroni and cheese....I do believe this: People, these Methodists, who love to sing in four-part harmony are the sort of people you can call up when you're in deep distress. If you're dying, they will comfort you. If you are lonely, they'll talk to you. And if you are hungry, they'll give you tuna salad. Methodists believe in prayer, but would practically die if asked to pray out loud....Methodists think that the Bible forbids them from crossing the aisle while passing the peace. Methodists drink coffee as if it were the Third Sacrament. Methodists feel guilty for not staying to clean up after their own wedding reception in the Fellowship Hall. Methodists are willing to pay up to one dollar for a meal at the church....And finally, you know you are a Methodist when: it's 100 degrees, with 90% humidity, and you still have coffee after the service. You hear something funny during the sermon and smile as loudly as you can. Donuts are a line item in the church budget, just like coffee. When you watch a Star Wars movie and they say, "May the Force be with you," and you respond, "and also with you." And lastly, it takes ten minutes to say good-bye!

Now, I wasn't raised Methodist but my husband was, more or less; and we attend a Methodist church here in Indianapolis. Both our kids were baptized there and go to preschool there. And, after reading the above, I know I am doing a great job raising these little Methodists....they know the power of donuts!

I think "doh-nee" was one of Keira's first words actually. Q and K both chant for donuts furiously when we pick them up from Sunday School after "big people's church". Sometimes, I think it is the only reason Q agrees to get up early Sunday morning. They even know the way to Fellowship Hall (aka The Donut Room) and can weave you through hundreds of people better than any GPS system. (Our church has more people in attendance any given Sunday than there are people in my whole hometown, so this is no small feat!)

But here is where I may be straying from the niceness Methodists are supposedly known for: I have been steering them away from Fellowship Hall and toward Dunkin' Donuts. I apparently have anti-social tendancies and after an hour and a half of being a good, kind, polite Methodist, I can no longer stand to further socialize and make small talk. I'd rather shepherd the kiddos to the car and hit the DD drive-thru.

That, and they don't have jelly donuts in Fellowship Hall.

The kids don't seem to mind my quirky ways. They get their sugar fix either way (you can see them here giving double thumbs-up to the marbled-frosteds). And I get a latte with mine. (Hey - Methodists may love their coffee, but making it well is another story! Of course, I'd hate to say anything.....)